look on the bright side
by Domenic
Summary: Richard and all who live on it have to deal with the Island falling apart before their eyes. set in an AU version of the Sideways-verse in season 6
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Richard and all who live on it have to deal with the Island falling apart before their eyes. (set in an AU version of the Sideways-verse in season 6)

Notes: This was first written after 6x01-6x03 ("LA X" 2-parter to "What Kate Does") aired, and is now a complete AU. Experimenting with mixing past and present tense for certain scenes.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to LOST.

Ch. 1

The Earth shook beneath Richard and the rest of his people. News of the Dharma's Swan site wasn't any better-nothing but a gaping hole. Even worse, toss a rock into it, and no matter how long the wait, no sound of it hitting the bottom occurred. And still it shook around that area, and his people were sure there were whispers in the high whistling that came from the hole, and they swore the pit continued to widen and deepen imperceptibly.

When Ellie woke up, Richard told her to bury her son quickly. He said they should leave soon.

###

"Is now really the best time?" Jacob asked calmly, standing just outside the statue's shattered foot. Richard stood to the side, his dark eyes shifting from him to the Monster. (Even if Jacob called him by another name, Richard could never stop seeing him as anything but that.)

"It's the perfect time," replied the Monster with a matching peace, before leaving his human guise for that of an unending black cloud, as if born from a devastating fire. Its metallic click went on and on, straight from nightmares Richard still occasionally had, from when he had first met the thing, when it had roamed more free, before Jacob had managed to bind him in service…until now.

Richard was almost certain that just as the explosion had struck the Island at its breaking point, it had also somehow unleashed the Monster. In other words, this was his fault as well. He should never have allowed them to-

"I'm evacuating our people. Maybe warn some of the Dharma Initiative too, if they haven't got the message already." Richard's voice was blank, though inside he was startled at how unlike a request that sounded. He stepped back, giving Jacob room; he had sensed the very energy starting to crackle around him, boiling the ocean air.

"Good luck," was all Jacob offered for a blessing as he switched into something to match his eternal foe. This was a shape Richard had only seen once, when he had still been mortal.

Jacob seemed at first to ridiculously turn into a cloud of smoke as well, a white mass-but soon a less pristine white, furred snout with a gray nose protruded from the cloud, and as it stretched, its rows and rows of white teeth glistened in the sunlight. Soon an unnaturally large Wolf was snarling at the smoke Monster, saliva dripping from its fangs and its icy blue eyes, for all their familiarity, burned with a fire's blue hot intensity.

The sounds of their bodies crashing against each other echoed behind Richard as he turned his back on them to return to camp.

###

Roger Linus' death in another quake that ripped yet another canyon into the earth was the deciding factor in Richard's mind: Ben would go back to the Dharma Initiative.

His meeting with Horace had been mercifully quick, and the mathematician gratefully accepted a still groggy Ben. (The child's recovery had been slow-everything going to hell didn't help-and still was, as Richard absently reminded the man.)

Richard later received reports that Horace, his wife, their son, and Ben had left the Island on the latest sub.

###

"You found no survivors?"

Dr. Chang had found Richard busy helping his people and other remaining Dharma recruits work on the sonar fence. The truce had finally turned into a still very hesitant alliance, but Richard found Chang had always seemed the most practical among the Dharma Initiative, and apparently not above any opportunity for information he wanted.

"Who are you looking for?" Richard asked without turning away from the wiring he was fiddling with. Giving a sigh, Richard didn't wait for an answer (since when had he become so impatient?): "No one in the immediate area survived that explosion. _You_ just barely made it out alive."

After Chang leaves on the next sub with even more people, the combined might of Jacob and the Monster crashing into the fence finally destroys the thing. Of course together they could do it.

###

Eloise took Charles' hand, then turned back, finally realizing.

"Richard?" She hated how her voice still sounded so damn quizzical, so ignorant and almost child-like.

"What?"

"Aren't you coming?"

He shook his head matter-of-factly. "Not until everyone is off."

Richard hadn't mentioned this when they had all went over today's arrangement last night-more like when he convinced Charles and her that his advice was the best. He had insisted that she should depart with the next group of their people and Dharma's leaving the Island. Primarily he cited the infant growing in her womb, finally snapping that if her son dies, then everything was for nothing. Richard had been absolutely adamant that Charles should go with her.

As Eloise sat in the sub, her hand in Charles', the other over her belly, it occurred to her that she should've known all along-it really went without saying that Richard would stay (perhaps even after everyone else left-this was not a pleasant thought).

###

Esau had seen the signs immediately after the Incident, and so did Jacob. While for Esau that meant his last bid for freedom, to Jacob, this was it. Had to draw the line here. Esau could not be allowed to return home to the Outside, Mortal World, to conquer and rule and entertain every destructive desire he had.

This Island had been meant to imprison Esau, and Jacob fully intended to have it crash down upon him and entomb him forever.

###

"You should be grateful, Richard-you finally get to see the one you _really_ hate the most die."

And with that, the Monster's human skin shed once more, and the smoky mass shot forward, colliding with Jacob's monstrous lupine form again. His blue eyes looked even more enraged.

Though he knew it was futile, Richard still tugged at his chains, the decayed ship suffocating on all sides.

The howling and screech of metal hit a fevered pitch.

What Richard truly hated was _this_ place.

###

Their retreat caught off, every single inhabitant left on the Island took refuge in the Temple. It was little use when they all could feel the ground sink, and keep on sinking.

This would be the last quake.

###

Richard's eyes snapped open to a cheery blue sky.

His heart pounded, water in his ears, on all sides-

The man floated on his back, before quickly righting himself and looking around, waves splashing as he wildly turned.

The last thing he remembered was the Black Rock breaking in half, falling down the chasm as his chains broke, catching a glimpse of the Monster with a smoky tendril around Jacob's neck, Jacob's fangs slick with blood and black oil-and now, there was no Island in sight. Nothing at all but the blue sea stretching for miles around.

_Jacob_ was the first thing Richard called out. Then the names of his people left on the Island: Cheryl, Matthias, Gwendolyn, Kyle, Winifred, Mikhail, Amelia-all of them. He called for Jacob again and again.

Richard pumped his arms and legs strong and fast and far, but no matter the distance he covered, he found nothing but water.

His voice was hoarse and cracking when he finally called for the Monster by name, Esau.

###

Again, Richard's eyes opened, and he didn't even have the energy to sigh.

He had dove into the water, and when his lungs protested, ignored them. When his eyes strained and blurred, even felt his arms and legs spasm and stiffen and slow, and darkness finally claimed him again-but not for the last merciful time. No, Richard was back here again, his body floating, and just waiting for the rest of his mind to catch up.

The theory nibbled at his mind again; maybe he was like the proverbial cat with nine lives-he just had much, much more than that small number.

Richard dove back down and blacked out several more times, only to find himself floating alone at the top again.

To repeat an action again and again, expecting the same result-Richard knew where this led. It was familiar, he had been there before, once or twice, long ago.

###

Richard had dealt with attacking animals before, healing from any injuries they caused, even regenerating limbs and such-but he had never been devoured whole before.

Thinking this would surely work, Richard bit down hard into his wrist, down his arm, and drew blood. He spat out as much metallic red from his mouth as he could, though he couldn't get it all off his teeth, it stuck fast. Richard watched the red filter into the water, waiting for the sharks...

He roughly cursed in Latin as the wound immediately began to heal. He scrambled, madly clawing at it. Finally the man decided to just let it heal, then rip the flesh open again.

When there was a rather large pool of blood mixing with the waters, Richard finally lost his patience. What could be taking the beasts so long? What could-

Richard immediately dove under the water, trying to remember if he had even seen any life at all, any natural aquatic creatures in his desperate search for someone, anyone, when he had gone under to escape it all...

When the man woke up floating on his back again with the cool air washing over him, he snarled another Latin curse. Richard had found no fish, no sharks, no animals at all, and he couldn't even go further down to continue his search, his lungs could only hold out for so long.

It was unsettling to think the Island's fallout had extended to every single creature in the area, but as far as he could see, it was true.

Richard was surprised he had enough energy to bark out a cracking laugh.

###

Of course, Richard didn't fight when the storm comes-what would be the point?

The whole world is dark now, the sky, the sea that tugged him down and up and side to side, bats him around like a feline toys with a mouse, and Richard doesn't even hope he's like a cat anymore-he knows there's no end. Knows this storm won't drown him, and even if it tears him to literal pieces, he would just regenerate and go on and on and on and on and on and on and-

Knows that when unconsciousness claims him, he'll wake up again, back where he started. Where everyone left him behind.

###

The child went on tip toe over the rail, and cried out to her father, pointing to the ocean below.

There was a man drifting all alone in the water, and her juvenile heart feared that she was looking at a dead thing.

_To be continued_

Notes: I've wondered if Jacob could've switched into a more monstrous form like Smokey/Not!Locke/Shape Shifter Big Bad could. I wanted to keep the white imagery, but thought a white cloud of smoke would've been odd, then I considered that super huge white wolves (i.e. _Princess Monoke_) are always cool, and it reminded me of crazy Vincent speculation.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Richard and all who live on it have to deal with the Island falling apart before their eyes. (set in Sideways-verse)

Notes: This part was written after 6x04 ("The Substitute"), and is now a complete AU. The part about record keeping was first inspired by this great fic "I Will Collect a Million Years" by bittersweet_fic at livejournal.

Disclaimer: I don't own Lost or anything related to it.

Ch. 2

The professor had no idea what to make of the dark haired, dark eyed man they had pulled from the ocean.

He had spoken to him in French, when the stranger first came to. "My daughter, Danielle, spotted you adrift."

When the man didn't respond, the professor had switched to English, and when there had still been nothing, he had talked in Spanish, to no avail. The rest of his crew gave it a shot, those who knew languages other than those three-the stranger remained silent. They had given up when someone tried sign language, and the man's voice continued to be of no use.

###

Richard heard the crew whisper; his French was perfectly fine. They figured he was traumatized, driven insane-were confident solitude and survivor's guilt had done him in, since they had no doubt he didn't start out alone, that he had come from a group, had been at least with one other person-before something horrible happened. He isn't about to tell them they're correct in pointing out the obvious.

###

Danielle visited him sometimes. The little girl would talk to him, ask him questions he refused to answer. Richard wouldn't speak, not even to her, one who clearly posed no threat. The child didn't seem to mind, just as long as someone seemed to listen to her. She showed him her journal, with pictures and descriptions of the places she'd been to, the things she'd seen, as she had traveled with her father. Danielle confided in him that she wanted to be a scientist just like her Papa.

Danielle reminded Richard of what he had tried to forget before, when news of Eloise's pregnancy had been given: that he had a daughter once. Even grandchildren, for a time. He could not remember their faces. No, he would not speak, not even to little Danielle.

###

Richard finally broke his silence to ask where his-John Locke's-compass was. It hadn't taken long to regain his strength, enough to get out of bed to search his now dried clothes (they had stripped him while unconscious and given him a fresh shirt and pants). When it failed to show up in the pocket he had left it, or anywhere else among his clothes, he had walked out of the room to ask the crew.

He grew steadily frustrated and suspicious when everyone claimed to be ignorant of the item, saying that it must've been lost in the sea, and then immediately launching their own questions about his identity and situation. Richard went silent again, watching the crew just as quietly when he was certain they weren't looking, observing for a thief. But presently, he reconsidered: why would any of them steal a compass that looked as worthless as his? He _could've_ just as easily lost the damn thing in the ocean, either during the storm or when he had searched for someone else or when he had tried to drown himself or when the whole damn Island…the Island...

Richard hadn't bothered checking for the compass when he first woke up floating alone, only now did he-there had been no _reason_ to, not when the Island was…was _**gone**_-not moved. Just gone. Either at the bottom of the ocean (he remembered now, the sensation of sinking) or it had exploded or-it was just irrevocably lost...

Back in the room the crew had given him, Richard sat on the bed, head down with hands fisted in his hair. Forget the compass-his journals, diaries, records of the past left behind on the Island...how would he remember? He had worked to keep more detailed entries after he realized his problems with memory over the years, how easy it was to forget...

The next time Danielle showed him another page in her journal, Richard's jaw clenched, but he didn't protest. He didn't say anything at all.

###

When the ship landed, Richard left quickly. He didn't want any more fuss. It was surprisingly easy to escape the crew's notice and to blend into the crowds. He had to find what was left of his people.

###

Danielle found the stranger's room empty. His clothes were gone, and the new ones her father and his crew had given him were neatly folded on the bed. That surprised the girl; why didn't he just take them?

She sat down on his old bed and flipped to the latest pages in her journal; one had a sketch of the stranger and a description and thoughts about him written down (_he's a pirate!_). That was for her own records; the other was meant to be ripped out, as a present to him-a farewell card to him with a picture of her father's ship, dotted with smiling faces.

###

Ellie and Charles talked quietly, leaving Daniel alone with Richard.

"I don't think he'll help," said Charles decisively, in a low voice.

Eloise shook her head: "I don't think he believes there _is_ anything to help with."

"There's still enough of our people here."

"But scattered-and if _Richard_ has given up-" Eloise stopped, then gave a sigh. "Charles, I just think he's tired."

###

After his own, there had only been others' children over the years to keep him in practice with regards to holding infants, and Daniel was just another in a long list. Cradling the child to his chest, feeling and hearing his soft breaths soothed Richard. Still, there were uncomfortable thoughts, ranging from visions of the infant's older self confessing love to that red headed woman (would Ellie be overprotective when time caught up?), to him lying dead at his feet over a bluff they both knew would've never been realized (Ellie, what have you done?).

Richard thought he would check up on Daniel, at least. After everything that had happened, he really didn't want the child to die before his time.

###

Ben followed Richard's eyes, where they laid on Annie's retreating back. The boy nodded, a smile on his face; "Horace let her come over until her Aunt got off work."

Then the child frowned, bowing his head for a moment. When he looked back up at Richard, he asked, "Do you know what happened to her parents? No one could find them and-"

Richard shook his head. "No. That's part of why I'm here, Ben."

When he glanced at the Goodspeed household, a worried look crossed the boy's face. "If you talk with Horace, I don't think he'll-"

"Don't worry, we've already spoken." Ben gaped at him, and before he could ask a question, Richard continued, "What have they told you, about the Island?" Ben shuffled nervously, and Richard added, "What have you overheard?"

"Horace and Amy wouldn't tell me anything, but I overhead them say something about 'communication problems...'"

"There's nothing to communicate with. The Island's gone." The boy tried not to flinch at the cracking harshness in Richard's voice. "Your friend's parents are probably dead."

Ben couldn't bring himself to ask 'how?' and 'what happened?'-he could see how hurt his older friend was.

He should change the topic, and to something he'd been meaning to say. "Thanks for…y'know..." It still amazed the boy, the temple, that spring, and all of it still blurry around the edges in his recollection... He did remember though, Richard shouting at someone, saying that there was no point in some test, the damn monster was already out and wouldn't bother with infection-maybe Ben had been delusional about that after all though. It wasn't a particularly clear memory.

Richard actually gave a small smile. "Nothing to say thanks for."

"It is too," replied Ben, almost petulantly, and Richard actually gave a brief light laugh.

Then Richard looked real serious, and he sighed. "Do you remember who shot you?"

"No." Ben toyed with his sleeves. "And I've been trying to..." He had hoped that maybe Richard would have news about that too.

The infinitely older man nodded, "Some memory loss is a common side effect of the spring's healing."

Richard said he would visit him again later-that is, if Ben was all right with that. The boy was quick to say that would be perfectly fine.

"What are you going to do now?"

When enough silence had passed and Ben was sure he wouldn't answer, Richard finally said, "There's someone else I have to check on. Then I'll travel. Research."

"Could I write you letters?"

"I don't know how long I'll stay in any one place…but I'll write to you. Send postcards."

Ben felt particularly adult when Richard shook his hand.

###

The boy was older-an adult, for all intents and purposes. Richard watched. Observed. Debated. Tested the waters when asking him for directions, trying to catch any sign of recognition in his eyes-there was none.

John Locke still didn't seem all that special-just blissfully normal. His whole life ahead of him, with a finite end.

Richard had thought it a mistake before, but Eloise had let him look over Dan's-the older (_dead_) Daniel's journal. If it was all time travel, then it was likely that when he visited Locke as a small child, he hadn't known about the compass yet-he would probably obtain it later. It wasn't a case of omniscience or prescience or any other supernatural sight with Locke. It was simply a time loop, as Eloise had worded it, looking over his shoulder while he poured over Daniel's notes for the first time.

But what would happen to the loop now? Richard had begun to wonder if it was like a strand of thread in Jacob's weaving, suddenly splitting down the middle and starting a new path-gods, this was confusing.

Some small part of Richard actually appreciated the return of that sensation.

And it was true-time had always been linear for him. A straight path, unending. Where you could only see or forget what came before, but never truly travel back. Where you could only see hints of what was ahead, but never go beyond your present. Time had never gone in circles for him before.

Richard debated with himself again. Should he contact Locke more directly? Use the sources he had left in the outside world to recruit the young man at Mittelos Bioscience or some other front corporation? How close should he keep tabs on him? Should he at all? Perhaps he should just leave the boy alone. What would involving him accomplish?

Richard could not escape the undeniable feeling of permanent failure-that nothing could be reversed. Perhaps it was because Eloise and Charles and the rest of what was left of his people were young, so young-perhaps it was because of that they could hope and be skeptical of their home's disappearance. He, on the other hand, was old-old and certain of loss.

The Island (his _home_) was gone. Jacob was gone. In his most desperate hopes (even he had them sometimes), he could believe Jacob was finally allowed to go back to the place he had called home before the Island, before he had been chosen to guard the Monster. In his more frequent and most realistic thoughts, Richard could see even Jacob perishing in the Island's sinking, along with the rest of their people left behind.

There was a bitter relief in knowing the Monster was gone. At least one thing went right.

Richard pushed down on the gas pedal, leaving John Locke behind to live his own life.

###

The gun weighed nothing in his hands. Richard had pulled off into an empty clearing in some park. He considered his finger around the trigger.

This time, Richard was fully aware of how pathetic he seemed. Perhaps deep down, he had always known-but it had always been an irrelevant thought, he had his duty to focus on, Jacob to help.

Now, that was gone.

And for all his emptiness and growing despair over the fact, there was something else, threatening to fill the hole-Richard wasn't sure if he could trust it-something that whispered, _free, free, free..._

For what?

_Anything. Anything you want. No one to send you out, only to call you back._

There is nothing to go **back** to. No home...

_That just means you're free, so very free-free to go wherever you want, how long you want. Nothing to tie you down, nothing to lose, never ever again-and it hadn't always been home. When __**you**__ were young, so very young…even you thought it was a prison for a time, even you couldn't forget all of that._

Did tell Ben about travelling. Promised to send him post cards.

_He craves the attention of anyone kind to him. And there's Daniel. You really don't want him to die a young man and render everything truly futile, now do you? Granted, they're not yours-no one could ever replace the ones you lost-and it's true watching them grow wouldn't be new, you've seen it all before._

Told Ben about research-but not what about. To find a way to be mortal again...

_Now that's doable, that's surely reversible. To be like everyone else. You never wanted to be __**special**__. No, never truly thought ill of anyone who was-it just wasn't something you ever wanted for yourself._

I could…I could...

_Yes…yes you can…can finally leave it all behind…the damn Island, Jacob, everything, everyone..._

…Esau?

Richard very calmly laid the gun down, while he checked his mirrors, as if he could see in their reflection the Monster, gray haired and bearded, pretending to be human. He had just realized the voice in his head, his thoughts…they all sounded like that thing's human voice.

_You, my friend_-and Richard fully turned around to look at the back seat because that had been **Jacob's** voice-_were alone in the sea for too long_.

Perhaps he had been. He hadn't kept track of the days drifting out there. Perhaps he had been more affected by his solitude after the Incident than previously thought. Perhaps he hadn't had enough time to deal with-

Richard leaned his head against the steering wheel, laughing.

Time was all he had now.

"To hell with this," muttered Richard, then lifted his head, stowed his gun away, and drove.

To where, he had no idea. Richard would at least enjoy his ignorance.

Fin

Notes: I did the math based on Lostpedia to figure out Locke's age during this time. I took artistic license with Danielle Rousseau's age. The thing with Jacob and Esau (Samuel now, apparently—but it'll stay Esau here, though they are one in the same: the Man in Black) near the end is just ambiguous at the moment-not currently a direct hint of a way larger storyline in later fic. For those who've seen the series finale, some of the things in this fic ended up surprisingly similar, didn't they?


End file.
